Namaste
by Bruceluce
Summary: My take on what happens after "Open and Shut". I finally got House and Cuddy together! Rated T for now.
1. Chapter 1

-Namaste, he said.

And then, with a slight bow, he was gone. She was left alone in her office, wondering what this meant. Was he pulling a new trick on her, or was this display of –whatever it was – uncharacteristically genuine? He hadn't come in for anything work-related, his comment on oral sex had been relatively tame and had even made her smile, albeit unwillingly, and he had left her office of his own accord. He had just come in to deliver her a message. What exactly the message was she wasn't quite sure. It had almost felt like... like wooing, she thought with a smile.

Not wanting to delve into the implications of this flirtatious behaviour of his, she pushed the matter aside and concentrated on her paperwork.


	2. Chapter 2

2

It wasn't until the next day that she confronted him. She had gone up to his office with some instructions about how she wanted him to do the clinic hours he owed her before the end of the month, a measure she said she was forced to take for tax reasons. She had come up ready to fight and argue until he did as he was told.

"Ok" he agreed simply.

Cuddy took a step forward towards his desk. She hadn't expected him to fold so easily."Wh...How do you mean, ok?"

"Ok, I'll do it."

"How come I didn't even have to talk you into it?" she asked shrewdly.

"It seems like a reasonable reason" he shrugged.

"That's never stopped you from throwing a tantrum before."

She was bent over his desk, not leaving him any chance to wriggle out of this one.

He shrugged, trying to remain impassive despite the fact that she was now so close that he could smell the scent of her shampoo.

"Maybe I'm more mature."

She laughed sarcastically. Something she was getting better and better at, he thought.

"Yeah, right!" she paused. She pointed an accusatory finger at him "Maybe you want me to _believe _you're more mature."

"God, woman, everybody's not as scheming and conniving as you!"

"Everybody, no. But _you_ are."

"Yet another thing we have in common" he said unemotionally. He had always been veru good at hiding his emotions.

That last remark caught Cuddy off-handed. Her mouth opened as if she were about to say something, but she gave up and, with a sigh, sat down in the chair opposite his.

They stared at each other in silence for a minute.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

He was about to come up with some acerbic, deflecting answer, but she beat him to it.

"Don't be an idiot. You know what I'm talking about."

He breathed in, his face dead-serious.

"What are _you _doing?" he replied.

"I asked first."

"Yeah, but you _know_ what I'm doing. So my question is: what are _you_ doing?"

"What...? House, stop playing mind games, I..."

"I'm not the one playing mind games. I stated my intentions clearly."

"What? When? Because the coffee machine I interpreted as yet another proof of you messing with my head."

"You wouldn't be here if you had. That clinic hours' story is just an excuse and you know it."

Cuddy raised her hands up in the air.

"Of course it is! I was testing you! And you just gave in!"

He couldn't help the grin forming on his face. He liked that he got what she wanted using methods so very much like his.

She saw the grin and it made her involuntarily smile back.

"What?" she asked, now more relaxed.

He waited, then asked : "How's Lucas, Cuddy?"

"Don't drag him in, he has nothing to do with this."

"I hate to disagree with you."

"So what? You want me to break up with him? Because you can't stand that another boy is playing with your toys?""

He didn't like that she used that last metaphor. Immature he may be, but treating her like a toy wasn't something he would ever do. Unlike Lucas, he thought.

She saw how his face suddenly became sombre, as if some cloud had suddenly shaded his eyes.

"What I want is irrelevant right now" he said coldly.

"It would be if you were able to leave me alone" she answered just as icily.

"You're in _my_ office" he said, his voice suddenly loud and threatening.

"I'm asking you to leave me alone!" she said in a desperate cry. Even to her, it didn't sound convincing at all.

House breathed in and sat back in his chair, closing his eyes. He lifted a hand to his forehead and massaged it lightly.

"Look, Cuddy. I..."

She was watching him intently.

"I'm tired of this. This arguing of ours. It was fun when I thought it could lead to sex..."

She made a face.

"But now, you're with Lucas, and I don't know what you're doing with him, but I don't want to be the one who gets hurt. I think I have had enough of that."

"You? What about me, what about the times you've hurt _me_?"

He shook his head and breathed in again. "This isn't going anywhere Cuddy. I've got a headache coming on, and my leg is killing me, please just..."

"Oh, no, no, I'm not going to let you use your leg as an excuse to wriggle out of this one!"

"An excuse? Cuddy..."

"That's what you always do, hide behind that bum leg of yours. _"It's not me, it's the pain"._ But I'm not having it tonight!"

"No, you're not are you? You're not the one having a biting, scorching, _excruciating_ pain tearing your leg up right now, are you?" he bellowed.

His roaring shocked her into silence for a few seconds.

"Ok, I'm sorry, I just..., I just want to know what's going on, House. I _need_ to know" she pleaded.

The pain was getting so unbearable; he had to get up. He knew it had suddenly cranked up because she was confronting him. And now he was cornered, and his anxiety made his thigh flame up.

She watched him get up and start pacing the small area behind his desk. She saw how his face contorted with pain every time his right foot made contact with the floor. For a fleeting instant she wondered worriedly whether something new in his medical condition could have triggered an increase in his pain. He was definitely not faking this.

"I'm sorry about what I said about you using the pain as an excuse..."

He couldn't talk with his leg feeling like a thousand daggers plunged into the dead meat of his muscle every time he took a step, and so he sat down. She saw how is brow had taken a greyish tinge and seemed covered by a thin film of sweat.

Wondering if it would ever be physically possible for him to open up to her, he asked her if she could get his bottle of ibuprofen in his coat pocket. His voice came out in a rattling, trembling growl and she got up immediately to retrieve his coat from the hanger by the door. She located the bottle and handed it to him.

"Thanks" he said without looking at her, his breathing erratic. He opened the white plastic container and dry swallowed two tablets.

"I'm sorry, this is a bad time" he looked at her, his eyes pleading.

"Ok" she said, her face now full of concern." Ok, House. I understand."

She got up."Do you need anything?"

His eyes shut, he shook his head no.

He was trying to concentrate on the tablet now melting in his stomach, the molecules of ibuprofen passing through to his blood. Soon relief would come. It wouldn't be much, but it would be relief.

He asked her to turn the light off on her way out. She did so and, just as she was turning around one last time, she saw him get up from his chair and slowly lay himself down on the carpeted floor, his eyes shut against the pain.

Fighting against her instinct to go back inside and do anything to relieve his pain, she tore herself from his immobile silhouette and walked towards the lift. When she bumped into Dr Hadley she asked her to tell the rest of the team to leave House alone and that they could all go home for the day.


	3. Chapter 3

3

That evening she had to refrain herself from calling Wilson and House's condo just to make sure House had made it home and was now relatively better than when she had last seen him. The image of his flat, motionless body on the floor of his office had haunted her no matter what she had done to try to block it out.

She had now been in bed for over three hours and still sleep eluded her. The fact that Lucas was snoring lightly next to her –his presence making her feel indecent for thinking about House– didn't help. Giving up on the idea of sleeping at all, she got silently out of bed and went downstairs to make herself a cup of herbal tea. Cup in hand, she wrapped herself in a throw and sat on her couch.

Cuddy had known for some time now that she'd never be able to feel for Lucas what she had once felt for House. Around House, Cuddy couldn't remember a time when she didn't feel this little tingling sensation in the pit of a stomach. When she had known him back in Michigan, before the two of them had had their night, she had often found herself staring at him and drinking in every single little thing he said. Of course, he had been very aware of it and he liked to tease her about it. And then they had made love, and that memory Cuddy had cherished all her life. Not just because the sex had been mind-blowing, but because it had been him. She had been deeply in love with him as a teenager.

But then she had grown up and somewhere on the road to becoming an adult she had started compromising and giving up things. Passion was what she had discarded. She had convinced herself that love had nothing to do with passion, that real love was made up of mutual understanding and tolerance towards the other person. Her relationship with Lucas felt that way, conversation came easy, sex was satisfying enough, and they generally had a good time together. But she couldn't help it: some part of her longed for more. Some part of her longed for House.

She couldn't do this. She was a woman in her forties, her mother now, too, and she couldn't afford to spend hours mooning about the man – at the time still a boy – whom she had had her first time with. It just didn't make any sense. Or did it? Yet again, the fiery teenager in her, the one who desperately believed in passion being an essential component of love, assaulted her with questions.

But he had cast her aside. She had made her intentions clear more than once – she shuddered at the thought of that day when all he had come up with as an answer to her kiss was to grope her and then make some nasty comment about her breasts – and she had thought that he was interested in her too. But no, he had hurt her, trampled her, yet again. _I can't be in love with him_, she pleaded with herself, almost panicking. _Please, no._

She tried to force herself to stop thinking about him. But she couldn't. Finally, in the dim light of her sitting room, frail, forlorn and alone, she fell asleep. Her last conscious thought was how being away from Lucas seemed to relieve her from her turmoil and finally let her fall asleep.

She woke up that morning before the house began to stir. When she realised where she was, she hoped Lucas hadn't noticed her absence. Calling herself a coward, she padded back to her room and slipped under the covers. Soon her alarm clock rang out and Lucas stirred.

"Hello, sunshine" he mumbled, pulling her gruffly to him and falling instantly asleep again.

"Hello" she answered half-heartedly.

He always slept for an hour after she had gotten up, emerging from the bedroom when breakfast was ready and all the early chores had been done. It sometimes exasperated Cuddy, but really she was thankful for the time alone. He really did get on her nerves sometimes.

Now she found herself in his embrace and realised she couldn't do this. She couldn't pretend anymore. Cautious not to wake him up, she freed himself from his grasp, got up, gathered her running gear and went to the bathroom.

She finally found peace as her feet hit the concrete in a reassuring steady rhythm. Why did she keep pushing House away? After all, he had been the one constant thing in her life. Him and medicine. Her two passions. Why fight the feeling? She would give it a try. In time. She wasn't going to rush into his office just today. He would feel cornered and she would panic. Instead, she was going to get things sorted out with Lucas first. Well, –she thought almost guiltily– she was going to break up with him.

She was ready to give her and House a chance. And the tingling, smouldering feeling in her stomach told her she had nothing to worry about.


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews. I'm glad you like it. I sure am loving writing this. I even have Huddy wedding plans! As much as I like to take into account my readers' suggestions, this next chapter was already written, and it doesn't show any desire for revenge from House. I guess I'm not in a angsty mood. And Cuddy did act lousily when House came back but I reckon he had hurt a lot before that. I think I just want them to finally act mature and get together.

Anyway, read, enjoy and review.

4

A week had gone by. And a lot of things had changed in Cuddy's life. Lucas had left. Their break-up hadn't been too traumatic. It was a horrible night but it was over soon enough. The way she managed to stay cool when he almost broke down confirmed that she had never been in love with him. It had been hard for Lucas though, and she couldn't help but feel guilty. He was a nice guy and she did have feelings for him. Only she didn't love him. He had pleaded, yelled and threatened but in the end he had come to his senses. And, in the morning, he was gone.

Later he had dropped by to pick up his things and say goodbye to Rachel. He hadn't hid the tears in his eyes as he held the toddler in his arms for the last time. Cuddy herself had cried. But she was resolute to see things through and braced herself to be strong. She hoped that in time Rachel would have another father figure to look up to. One with bright blue eyes and greyish stubble.

That last tearful scene had been two days ago. But Cuddy wanted to take her time. The way she saw it, it was just a matter of time now. Whether things worked out with House or not she had the feeling she would soon find out, and she decided not to rush fate.

It was House who came to her. She was minding her own business, walking back towards her car after a long day's work, when he had appeared at her side. She fought to remain cool and breezy.

"So?" he asked.

"So?" she answered, a slight frown of suspicion forming on her face.

She hadn't told anyone at the hospital about her break-up with Lucas. Unless Lucas himself had told House, there was no way he could know.

"Break-up not too hard?" he asked matter-of-factly.

Cuddy just looked at him, not even trying to hide her astonishment.

"How did you _know_?"

"I didn't" he shrugged. "I suspected something was wrong two days ago, your eyes seemed a little puffy."

She laughed almost silently. Of course he had guessed.

"You never let anything elude you, do you?"

He merely shrugged.

They took a few steps in silence. The car park was deserted. She decided to jump in.

"What is this, House?"

"I believe it's called a car park"

"I'm serious." She looked up at him. The light from the setting sun glowed in her eyes.

"I know" he answered, his voice just above a whisper. They took a few more steps towards her car. Panicking at the idea that they would soon be there and that a decision would have to be made, he suddenly thought of the park surrounding the hospital.

"Want to take a walk?"

She agreed. It was a lovely evening and she couldn't tear herself from his presence anyway. In silence, they walked to her car, where she dropped her work bag, and he left his helmet. Then she changed into the pair of flat pumps she used for driving. House sat on the bumper while she did so. He massaged his leg a little. She remembered how the pain had strike him down only a week ago and wondered whether he should be going on a walk at all. Their eyes met but she didn't say anything.

She retrieved her cell phone from her bag and dialled her baby sitter's number. She stood in front of his seated figure and their eyes met again when she told Rosa that she wouldn't be home just yet. Both of them realised at this very moment how very real this had become. Somehow, the silence between them was the most intimate they had been in years.

Almost of its own accord, Cuddy's right hand found her way to House's hair. Some bug had landed there and she had meant to chase it. But now her hand was glued to his hair. He looked up. Their eyes locked again. Cuddy asked the sitter to put Rachel on the phone. Her daughter was now 18 months and Cuddy relished in the sound of her babbling. Also –in a way– Cuddy didn't want the phone conversation to end: her hand was in his hair, and he let her. Their eyes were still locked. Bravely, she moved her hand down the side of his head, timidly toying with the soft hair there, and he leant into her touch, almost imperceptibly turning his face towards her hand, but never breaking eye contact. Soon Rachel's bubbly voice came through the phone and when House heard it he tensed up and closed his eyes. She stroked his hair a little more forcibly, in what she wanted to be a reassuring gesture. He opened his eyes again and Cuddy saw how their intense blue mixed with the orange tinge of the light formed a pool of swirling emotions. She saw hurt there, and fear, but she also saw understanding, patience and even admiration. And, underneath it all, she saw that he loved her.

Soon the phone call was over. She flapped her phone shut.

"Rachel ok?" he asked, breaking the silence.

"Yes" Cuddy said with a smile. She felt as if she were waking up from some sort of dream.

Her fingers were still in his hair.

He cleared his throat and looked up at her.

"Bug?" he asked.

She nodded, her cheeks flaming red. He smiled and she stood back, her hand leaving his head. He stood up. She shut the boot and locked the car, and they turned toward the jogging park.


	5. Chapter 5

Here comes a longer chapter. I enjoyed the psychological exploring. Hope you enjoy reading it!

5

They walked in silence.

House knew she was expecting him to talk, –he was the one who had suggested they'd go on a walk– but he didn't know where to start. He was starting to panic, wondering what it was he was supposed to say, worried that she was getting bored. Then he looked at her. Her eyes weren't on him, her demeanour didn't indicate that she was bored or worried or anything like that. Quite the opposite: she looked relaxed and happy, taking in the quiet view of the small lake, the forest, and the few joggers, enjoying the soft warmth of the sun on her back and the smell of the falling evening. She must have sensed that he was watching her for she looked at him. Again, their eyes met. Before the moment became too intense, House broke the contact and laughed.

"What?" she asked, laughing herself, curious to know why they were laughing.

He shook his head.

"Nothing." He paused. "I guess I'm just happy."

She looked at him. He did look happy. And she thought it had been a long time since she had felt so good. She smiled. She didn't say anything to force him to talk. She wanted to let him take his time. And he silently thanked her for it.

It wasn't that he didn't have anything to say. He actually had too many things on his mind. But he was so afraid of saying something that would hurt her. He knew how he had done so in the past. By now he had accepted that he wanted her. He had always known so, but somehow he had never believed he was good enough for her. And that's where he started.

"I never believed I was good enough for you" he said out of the blue, as if to no one in particular.

But she looked at him, and he looked at her, before continuing.

"Even at the very beginning, that night that we had... I couldn't believe how lucky I was. In fact, it seemed so unbelievable that I kept thinking that I was going to pay for such a moment of happiness."

He looked at her to make sure she was with him.

"You know, "you win some, you lose some"" he said.

She nodded.

"So that morning, when I was told I was expelled, I wasn't even surprised. I had never been very lucky, you see, and I thought that I was being punished. And I was so ashamed, I mean, not of having cheated, it's not like I had done it because I was afraid of flunking. But I was afraid you'd think I was a failure, and I was ashamed."

He paused, giving her time to say something if she wanted to. But she wanted him to go on. So she just looked at him with a small smile and he resumed talking.

"So, I ran. I left, and I didn't tell you anything. "

He looked at her. He knew how she had suffered from that.

"I'm sorry" he said, looking into her eyes."I didn't want to hurt you."

She remembered that morning how she had been hurt that he was not there when she woke up, how she had expected him to appear all that day and the next, how she had waited for a visit, a phone call, anything...

"I loved you" she said, her voice husky from the pain of her broken heart.

"I know. And I loved you. I just thought it would be easier like that."

They kept on walking in silence. He noted worriedly how forlorn and sad Cuddy looked.

"It's ok" she said."Really. It was nearly thirty years ago, don't think I never got over it."

They laughed, but they knew that even though they had both managed to become successful doctors and more or less functioning adults, neither of them had ever gotten over that first break-up.

They walked in silence a little more. House was about to take up again, he really wanted to tell her everything, to lay it all down at her feet for her to decide what she wanted to make of it. But she was the one to break the silence.

"There's one thing I'm curious about, though."

He looked up.

"Why? Why didn't you think you deserved me? You were the smartest kid I knew. You were a legend. And it's not like I was fairy tale princess of a goddess or something" she said in self-derision, smiling.

"You were to me." He paused. "I don't know. It was a number of things. You know how I never felt any kind of support from my father. I guess I was convinced from an early age that I wasn't worth much. And yet I knew I was cleverer than most people. Which I suppose made me feel superior, in a twisted way. Some sort of inferiority/superiority complex. And so, as a teenager, I came to treat most people like crap. I mean, I was a legend, but mostly because I was such an asshole."

He paused again.

"But you, you were so pure. So loving of everyone, so full of hope, so _happy_. That's what had attracted me to you in the first place. "

He looked at her.

"Well, that and other things" he said with a grin.

"But I remember, seeing you for the first time I saw how you were so friendly with everyone, so _unguarded_. I couldn't understand it. I thought it must be fake. You were just too perfect. How can anyone be beautiful looking, smart enough to be in med-school, and so unflawed, so happy? When I approached you I was curious and I think I wanted to hurt you in a way. I wanted to punish you, to show you that life wasn't so pretty. And I thought you must be stupid."

He paused reflectively.

"That's it, to me happy meant –until very recently– stupid" he said.

He looked at her.

"I could have left you alone, just treated you as if you were a moron like I treated everyone else. But I couldn't, you were like this magnet I was drawn too. And I had the feeling that you were somewhat drawn to me too."

There was a silence as they both recalled those days when they had first met each other. She had indeed followed him around discreetly for a while. But he was the one to break the ice.

"And so I talked to you one day. And you weren't stupid. I had thought it'd take me a few hours to have you in my bed." He looked up at her sheepishly." But you responded to my jokes and harsh words. No one had ever stood up to me like that."

She looked up at him. He was so intense; it was almost like he wasn't aware of anything.

"Your mind was so quick! And you made me laugh even on our first date, remember, at the pizzeria?"

He looked at her and she smiled fondly. House was not known to laugh a lot, even back then, unless it was at somebody's expense.

"Your own laugh felt like some kind of drug which made everything ok. I'd be fine as long as you were around. I fell in love with you on that very first date." He paused and their eyes met.

"Those days we had, Lise... they were the best. I had never been so happy, felt so free. Life seemed full of promises." He paused again.

"But then, my stupidity caught up with me. I had to leave and after that I couldn't look at myself again. Judging by how hurt I was, I knew you had to be in a lot of pain. But by then my demons had come back, I was convinced I wasn't worth your love anyway, and that you would be better off without me. "

He hung his head. Her eyes had filled up with tears. He looked up and they stopped and turned to face each other.

"I wish you had trusted our love" she said, almost openly crying. "If only you had come to me as soon as you had learned you were being kicked out..." She paused. She didn't want to cry, she didn't want to be sad. When she felt stronger she started again.

"We would have found a solution; we would have worked something out to stay together. I loved you more than anything."

She paused.

"You know, perhaps I seemed happy back then, and yes, I had nothing to be sad about, I mean I came from a nice family, I was doing what I had always wanted to do...but, when I first saw you...something happened, like, some switch or something...and I knew I wanted, I _needed _you close to me. I loved you, I wouldn't have been disappointed or anything... We would have found a solution."

She paused, reflecting.

"But, maybe it was my fault, maybe I didn't show you enough love, maybe I didn't really let you in."

"No!" He cried out. "It was nothing to do with you, it was me." He got hold of both her hands, urgently.

"But, maybe I didn't love you enough to change that image you had of yourself. Maybe I've never been able to love you the way you deserve it."

She was crying now.

"Please, Lise, don't say things like that."He pulled her to him, engulfing her in his arms. She clung to him tightly as a huge sob escaped her.

"Please, don't cry." His own eyes were filling up with tears. She sensed the urgency in his voice and understood that he wanted this to be a happy moment, he didn't want to feel as if he was only good at hurting her.

"I'm sorry" she said.

"No, I'm sorry."

They remained in each other's arms for a whole minute, while her crying evened out. The front of his shirt was soaked with her tears and they realised it at the same moment. They laughed as she pulled away to reveal the extent of the damage.

"It doesn't matter, come here" he said, opening his arms for her to nestle against him.

They lost track of time. The crying had done them good and, while the tears on her cheeks dried and his shirt got even wetter, they reflected privately upon their history. They had never had the strength to bring all this out again and they sensed how it was probably at the core of their difficulties. Of course there had been other circumstances –his infarction had changed a lot of things too– but somehow their first days as a young couple had defined their relationship for many years. Cuddy looked up at him. She was hoping they could put all this behind them and have a fresh start. It was never too late. He was finally holding her in her arms. When she looked up at him, her eyes red and her cheeks glistening but with a smile on her face, he shut his eyes and abandoned himself to what he had wanted to do for years. They shared their first genuinely happy kiss since that night so many years ago.


End file.
